i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
