im six kinds of drunk right now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
