3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
