Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
