That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
