I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She is in my trunk
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
