I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
