so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
