It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
