What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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