her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
