I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
