Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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