Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize