Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
