Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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