I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
