As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
