I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
