My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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