yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
