I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
