I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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