so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
