I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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