I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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