Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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