well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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