I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
