No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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