Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
