found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
