I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
