it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
