He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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