Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Don't EVER smell your tampon
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
