either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
this hospital has no fireball
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
