i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
