i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
