We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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