Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
