I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
