i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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