I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
