im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
