Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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