Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
