I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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