Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
