I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
