I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize