a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
