im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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