dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
