if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
