Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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