Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
