fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
