You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
