Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
