i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
