I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
