it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
