ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
