Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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