Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
