Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
