I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
