he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
