i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
