I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
