so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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