Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
