I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
